21st Century Feminists : A Group of Confused Beings?

Feminism like several other theories over the years have been ill-defined and misunderstood by a large number of people (male and female). According to Merriam Webster Dictionary, feminism could be defined as "the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities", "organized activity in support of  women's rights and interests", " the theory of the political, economic,and social equality of the sexes" and "organized activity on  behalf of women's rights and interests". 

Going by these definitions, we could see clearly that the female gender is strongly advocated for to enjoy the same benefits as their male counterparts and not to "override" the other gender. It is a very strange situation to observe that what is being practised in this part of the world (Nigeria, Africa) is not feminism but "Feminine Superiority". A large number of young ladies and women have wrongfully defined the term feminism to suit the personal needs and these have caused a lot of problems in Nigerian relationships, marriages and families.

Feminism is not for ladies to have the thought of being the 'superior gender' but a theory meant to give them equality and if possible equity. Many Nigerian ladies in the name of being feminists have forgotten their roles as daughters, sisters, ladies and wives and only want to be seen in the light of being feminists. I once had a chat with a young lady and she told me emphatically who told me that she would never bow down or  show courtesy to her husband (as expected in most Nigerian homes) for her husbands) because she's married to him. 

Sharing of roles and duties in several Nigerian homes has become a major problem for some families. The wife who might happen to be a feminist wants her husband to help her in doing  everything in the house including chores. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, that is a given but at the same time, respect they say is also reciprocal. Every sensible man should know that ideally, he's supposed to be a partner, helper and supporter to his wife though a large majority of Nigerian men think otherwise. It is not to say that some ladies do overdo it when it comes to seeking helping hands from their husbands. 

Every home has the way it works and the wife is supposed to be tactical in her approach to getting help from her husband at all times. The man is supposed to be your pillar and shield but due to several misplaced priorities of some women, they end up getting no help whatsoever from their husbands which then brings about spite or hated among the couple. 

A lot of relationships have failed in the recent past due to the problem of either being a feminist or a male chauvinist. To be honest, some men can be very possessive and irresponsible. They never want to be of help to their spouses and believe that their primary role in a family is the 'sex role'. This has made many relationships and marriages fail due to the perceptions of some men in regard to the organisational structure of the families. Some ladies in the name of feminism have disrespected their husbands to the extent of 'pushing them outside'. A lady's happiness in a relationship or marriage is very important and this should include the satisfaction of her partner (husband) and the effective running of her home (marriage).

It is worthy to note that the two (2) main religions practised in Nigeria (Islam and Christianity) places women somewhat in a disadvantaged position. A lady is expected to be 'loyal, faithful and submissive' to her husband at all times. Personally, I think a compromise should be reached between what the lady is expected to do, what she should do and what she can do. This is not a general thing so it is left for each family to mediate on how their affairs will be conducted. Women are not slaves, properties or inheritance. They deserve to be happy, comfortable, cared for, appreciated and pampered. They're firstly humans before they're daughters or spouses of someone. Humanistic treatments should always be given to women as it is easily received by their male counterparts.

Native traditions, culture and norms have also placed women at a disadvantaged position. Most Nigerian tribes if not all do not regard the wife or woman in equal status as the man and husband. It is expected that she 'serves' her husband diligently at all times, irrespective of how she feels or what she wants. 

The Nigerian woman by default is expected to key into everything said by her husband and has less influence when it comes to decision making and running of the home. These and several other things have placed the Nigerian woman at a very uncomfortable point that most women are starting to 'revolt'.

Bringing down the scope to the younger generation of women, it has become a trend for younger women to claim that their careers and independence is all that is important. A large number of millennials believe that there's nothing a man has to offer a lady and as such, have decided to take strong stance against relationship and marriages which most have termed to be 'prison sentences'. Women of the 21st century have defined feminism and actualised it to suit their personal dispositions, personalities and philosophies. 

Many young ladies are of the opinion that a man is as good as 'useless' in their lives and this has translated into several things like Single Parenting being preferred to marriage, the preference of sex toys to actual humans, the indulgence in activities they believe their husbands might not allow them to engage in if they were married among several other things.

The contents of social media posts and updates have also shown that the majority of young women are are now feminists and they are believed to maintain a certain status quo. This is a welcomed development in the light of global changes in human perception and understanding of theirselves (body, mind and soul). Liberal thinking has taken over common sense and everyone is entitled to his or her opinion. You could promulgate anything as long as you have people who support your stance regardless of how it points to tradition, culture, norms or common reasoning. The world is changing so it is expected that we humans should also change with it.

Due to the current situation in the world (the CoronaVirus pandemic), a lot of people have found more than enough free time on their hands and this hasn't come without resultant effects. People have found solace in the Internet (social media) as a means to 'kill' boredom. There are millions of videos being uploaded every day into the cyber space, millions of contents are being put out every hour of the day. The consumption of data has increased massively due to the fact that a lot of people are at home doing virtually nothing so the Internet has been the cure to this unbearable boredom. Social media platforms and video streaming services have gained massive traffic and doubled or even tripled their profits over the last couple of months.

The Nigerian cyberspace hasn't been left out of this new addiction to the Internet. Almost every youth in the country has access to Internet services and while some are making use of this positively, a lot of people have actually defeated the main purpose of having access to the Internet. 

To count a few, they have been several 'Challenges' being put up by youths in the country. Some have been worthy of praise while many have been nothing short of gullibility and sheer stupidity. Young ladies (supposed feminists) in the country have been on the wrong side of this social media addiction syndrome. Some weeks back, there was a 'Side Chick vs Wife' challenge across several social media platforms. They've also been Instagram Live parties being held by celebrities who want to help Nigerians 'kill' boredom.

Having taken a good look at these social media activities, it has been observed that a lot of ladies have put aside their home training, image, self esteem, pride, reasoning and more importantly their feminist ideologies just to kill boredom. Ladies are twerking on live Instagram, some are masturbating live, some are having oral sex live and so many other ludicrous activities. It is worthy to note that these live sessions have been organised on 'male pages and accounts' and operated by the same men many young feminists kick against. It is saddening and depressing that the major bulk of ladies claiming to be feminists and 'superior genders' have stooped so low to engage in these shameful activities forgetting everything about their lives and images after the pandemic.

Many Nigerian ladies condemn men for objectifying them and seeing them only as sex items rather than humans. Yet, these same group of ladies have consentaneously engaged in dirty dancing and sexual acts on Instagram live. There was a content uploaded by a comedian on social media few days back which vividly portrayed rape and it was shocking to see that some ladies vehemently supported the comedian for filming such content. While some ladies and a number of men were trying to castigate the comedian for such 'rapey' content, some ladies were attacking themselves because they ridiculously didn't see anything wrong in someone obviously promoting rape online to millions of people.

These and several other condemnable acts young women have been engaging in in the past few weeks have been so contradictory to their claims as young progressive feminists. Why would you claim to be in support of women's equal rights and status and at the same time, be shaming that same particular gender? It is imperative for young ladies to get their acts right as these surprising acts would be of no help to their course of equality, equity or respect.

Ladies must be firm when it comes to what their general ideologies are in relation to their stance against male dominance, their fight against the objectifying of women, the advocacy against rape and most importantly the respect of the feminine gender. Charity starts from the home and it is essential that every young progressive feminists be realistic and goal-focused in their Feminist stance and fight.

The question now is who is a feminist and what is she expected to do? I leave you all to ponder on that question and provide answers to it. I remain my humble self, Quadri AbdulQudus Bolaji (QIDAKINGIN). Thank you ✌️