MY CHILDHOOD

MY CHILDHOOD - a personal content. 

Upon coming in contact and taking a close look at one of my neighbour’s sons, I became nostalgic and reminisced about I used to be when I was 13 years younger. I was never the boy of many words. I would rather keep everything and anything inside and let the turmoil take place inside of me than letting it out. This was not because I was not allowed to be expressive, I just didn’t know how to express those emotions and thoughts.

This boy around 16 years of age would 8 out of 10 times decide to just smile rather than actually pass a comment or speak up. On rare occasions he speaks up, he says so little that one has to be very good at deciphering cues to get full understanding of whatever he is saying.

I was supposed to feel safe, happy and free due to my upbringing and this was supposed to help me become ‘expressive’. But I never really spoke too much while at home but I would always be on the list of noise makers in school. It was like my opinions never mattered as a little boy just like it is in most African homes. Asides from that, I just didn’t know what to say or at times, how to say anything I had in mind.

This boy (my neighbour’s son) always strikes me as one who likes to talk but he rarely utters a word especially at home. Though in school, he is one of the outspoken ones in his class and he mingles freely while in school but for the several times that I have noticed, this changes immediately he gets home. He would switch back to his ‘default mode’; keeping mute unless when called upon.

At some point in time, I was seen as ‘stoic and stone-hearted’ for never expressing whatever it is I was feeling. I didn’t know how to change the impression. I just couldn’t be expressive. I got into a lot of trouble for not speaking up and I received a lot beating from the resultant effect of my lack of expressiveness- I found it hard to defend myself.

I have thought of several ways to make this boy talk more but I haven’t been able to decide on what exactly to do. I have just been observing him and hoping that with time, he would become more outspoken at home and say things he is supposed to say when he is meant to utter them. I think I fear for him probably because I am seeing a lot of my younger self in him. I fear that he would get into a lot of trouble for not speaking up just like I did years ago.

I wouldn’t look back at my childhood and say it was totally bad but I can’t say it was what I would have loved it to be. Sometimes I wish I had said much more than I did. I wished I had spoken up about several things when it mattered. At this point in time, I am thinking of ways to make this my neighbour’s son to be more vocal but I haven’t been able to do anything. I sometimes feel as though I am failing him. I wish I knew what to do. Do you know what I can do to help this boy?