WHO ARE WE?

WHO ARE WE?

I ask myself this question several times, not because I do not know that we are humans but mostly because in the true definitions of being human and humane, most people are not humans. Who are we? – I think ‘plastic people’ is the best term I can come up with. As a specie, humans over time have developed certain behavioral traits that makes you wonder if truly, there is any trace of humanism left in us. We have decided to be ‘pseudo’ rather than be true to ourselves and our beings.

The psychological state of humans is one of the most important aspects of human existence. Our state of mind is as sacrosanct as the pumping of blood in our hearts or the effective operation of our brains. From observation, I have discovered that humans (Africans in this context) rarely talk about their mental health. It is a topic that is widely believed to belong to those at mental facilities (asylums and rehabilitation homes). We would rather ‘act tough’ than be sincere about our state of minds.

The reason for this is not far-fetched. It is not part of our culture as Africans to place importance on mental health (wellness). It is not deemed important mostly because our livelihoods and sometimes physical health is all that matters. An African would rather be asked if he/she is hungry than if he/she is happy or mentally stable. We (Africans) are not a people who are too concerned about what goes on in our ‘heads’ as long as our bellies are filled up. 

In a case where someone, out of the norm, speaks about his or her mental health, there is so much bias and judgement waiting for such a person. This is not totally correct but the probability of this assertion being true is very high especially when compared to instances where people have spoken up about their mental health and were well-received. Though the advocacy for mental wellbeing over the years have been on the increase and there is a better reception, attention and care for those struggling with mental health issues unlike in previous times, we still have a long way to go in the area of mental health advocacies.

The mental health of an individual is equally as important as the physiological wellness of such an individual. It is common in African societies to see people get criticised for speaking about depression, unhappiness amongst several other psychologically-inclined issues. It seems as though everyone is expected to sulk up and act like everything is fine even when their worlds are falling apart. One fact that I wouldn’t deny is the tendency for some people to ‘overdo’ it by always playing ‘victim of mental instability’. Some people are attention-seekers and as such always play the ‘vulnerable and fragile’ card even when they are perfectly fine. This causes a big problem for them and others who might need immediate attention. Ascertaining the sincerity of a person’s call for help might be hard due to the aforementioned behaviour or other hindrances but this doesn’t change the narrative that a lot of people are in dire need of help psychologically.

Some people use their mental health as a tool for ‘emotional blackmail’ for those around them (family and/or friends) while this is very bad, this might actually be their only way of getting help or attention. Everyone needs someone to talk to at one point in time in life; being too strong for too long or pretending to be strong for a long time makes people weaker that when they eventually stop being ‘courageous’, they crumble. Our society expects men to be strong emotionally and physically. A man is not expected to cry, be depressed, shouldn’t think about his unhappiness and so many other things as long as he is responsible for both himself and his family. A man is not expected to talk about whatever feelings are in his heart or the thoughts he might be having in his head. A man should be this, a man should be that. This is quite erroneous because this is like taking out the human in the man and still expecting him to function well. On a personal note, I think you are first a being before you are either male or female or even African. Men like every other human (females and trans-genders) have emotions, thoughts, worries, fears and other mental manifestations. These make them human and while it is usually expected of humans to appreciate before complaining, it is equally important to pay attention to the turmoil that goes on in the heads of people.

An African lady by default, is expected to be always grateful, submissive, supportive and in some cases, subservient to her husband. Due to the codification of customs, traditions, norms and religion, a woman is not given much freewill to openly lament or complain about the state of affairs in her home or her mental state especially in marriage. She is expected to ‘take everything as it comes’, be submissive, smile and appreciate everything and anything thrown at her without any form of restraint because apparently, it is believed that her home is much more important than her wellbeing. Isn’t it?  Though some ladies are known to be very demanding and fond of the habit of nagging at every available opportunity but there is a thin line between a nagging woman and a woman who actually needs to be taken care of. Being taken care of not only in the physical sense but also emotionally and psychologically. 

Being Africans, we (men and women) are expected to keep mute about our emotional and psychological states. This is a very wrong disposition; we are not things that do not react. Irritability in the characteristics of humans points to the mental wellness of every individual to react to situations and circumstances. Shutting out these reactions have proved to be very threatening to lives of millions not just in African societies but also around the world. The high rise in cases of suicidal deaths is another proof to the fact that there is need to create avenues for people to speak up about how they feel often. Also, there is also the need to advocate for more family support for anyone and everyone who might dealing with one thing or the other. The family is the first point of call for everyone and as such, there should readily available support from the family before It can extend to friends and wellbeing experts.

We shouldn’t be ‘plastic people’ who are so stereotyped in our thinking and quite inhuman with our perception and reception to people struggling with mental health. We should try to see people first as humans before we see their genders (males, females or otherwise), their religion (Christian, Muslim etc.), their race (black, white or coloured) amongst our diverse classifications of humans. Humanism should always be the foundation of being human rather than misplaced social, cultural and religious priorities. Our mental wellness is as important as the effective function of our hearts. Let’s endeavour to be more humane and humanistic in our dealings with anyone and everyone regardless of whatever differences present. 

I am Quadri AbdulQudus Bolaji, thank you and God bless ✌️